robkeeney

"The essence of true friendship is to make allowances for another's little lapses."
-David Storey

I've read in a few places that 2/3 of the disagreements within happily married couples are disagreements with no resolution...disagreements that are based not on changeable behaviors, but rather on fundamental aspects of personality.

I'll use as examples the fact that Chris is more likely to make up a funny parody of a song rather than a romantic ballad, or the fact that I can't find my way across a crowded room without turn-by-turn directions and a hand-drawn map on a napkin. I'm sure that Chris would love it if roads and directions were as simple, clear, and intoxicating to me as they are to him, while there are certain pieces of my heart that--while recognizing Chris's fantastic qualities as a husband--yearn for more poetry and flowers.

These are things that neither one of us can help. There's not a class in the world that is going to make maps and roads suddenly make sense to me. Likewise, Chris just isn't going to become "romantic." The things that give him all the wonderful qualities that I prize are the same things that mean he's not going to bust out the ballads and roses. Some things just are the way they are.

This is true in more places than just in marriage, of course. I'm not a person who's comfortable making phone calls. I try to make them (and need to try harder) to stay in touch with friends, but I'm more comfortable behind the written word or in face-to-face conversation. Others are far less interested in writing; for them, the phone is the go-to form of communication. Can this friendship be saved? Absolutely...IF the two of us can find a way to make allowances for each other.

It is the grace of these "little lapses" that allows us to build relationships at all. Etiquette is a lovely thing, a social buffer that allows us to live together without bumping too many hard edges against one another; but even etiquette falls down and requires us to develop some grace towards each other. Lapses aren't necessarily bad things, or offenses; they're the ways in which we aren't perfectly like one another, the things that drive us crazy for no specific reason other than that they aren't us.

When it comes to "little lapses," I have a choice: I can decide that they're beyond all reason and more than I should bear...or I can choose to extend the grace of knowing that this is just how things are, just a part of the package of the person that I love. Both love and sanity call for the latter--and are, in fact, what I desire of others. I want that cushioning effect when others realize that I forgot their birthday (again) or that I am rarely the caller but often the callee--or that I am too light or too intense or too serious. Love demands that I try to call more often, try to remember birthdays, try to meet my loved ones where they are...but love also demands that they cut me some slack when inevitably I fall short. Love recognizes the "little lapses," smiles, and says, "That's okay."

1. What time did you get up this morning? 4:37--ridiculous sinuses.

2. How do you like your steak? In triplicate.  

3. What was the last film you saw at the cinema? Ooooh, probably Pocahontas. Sad.  

4. What is your favorite TV show? Corner Gas.

5. If you could live anywhere in the world where would it be? Wherever Chris is.  

6. What did you have for breakfast? I haven't had it yet, but when I do it will most likely be vanilla yogurt with fruit and granola. And coffee.  

7. What is your favorite cuisine? Italian!

8. What foods do you dislike? Brussels sprouts, squash in all forms, anything labeled "kibble."

9. Favorite place to eat? At my dining room table. Next to that, a good Italian place...or a steak place...or a greasy spoon diner... 

10. Favorite dressing? I prefer to dress in sequins.
( More Snarky Goodness Here )

Michael Yon arrested at Seattle Airport

Gee, now he's got a problem with presuming guilt without (much less in the face of exculpatory) evidence? Too bad he's still on record with the Mexican Gun Canard.

Luckily for _him_, he's an "Only One" and the Border Patrol "rescued him".

I guess Instapundit will be rattling his tipjar again shortly.


As ernunnos said on #GBC:
<ernunnos> sorry, anyone who sics the state on me deserves everything he gets
<ernunnos> see "petard: hoisted by"

By the way, now that I've got the new blog properly humming with new content and frequent updates, I'm very much interested to know what you think about it.

Are the posts interesting? Do you read any of the longer stuff? Are the 'link posts' useful? What would like to see more of? What would you add? What would you lose? Have you discovered anything that doesn't work? Is it something you would want to read daily, or is it more of a once-a-week kind of site?

Any feedback or criticisms (given in the right spirit, obviously) would be welcome. You could even leave them anonymously if that would help. I really want to build a successful blog, with the criteria for 'successful' being that people other then just my dad want to read it.

Also, if you've got any Tips For Becoming A Successful Blogger(tm) you're welcome to hit me with those too. I think I've got the basics, and I know that short of posting naked pictures of celebrities the process just takes some patience, but don't be shy about sharing advice.

New today on tomnoir.com:

• The top counter-intuitive ideas of the decade - Creed is a good band? Radiohead is a bad one?!?
• The scientific method is a lie! - or at least, it's just a theoretical approximation of a much messier process.
• When the world didn't need computers - Part 2 of my (ahem!) seminal work on why no one bothered to invent the computer along with the steam engine.

Don't forget, you can discover these posts for yourself by adding this handy syndicated feed to your flist.

jmcphers posted this morning with a picture of his new glasses and the secret that he loves wearing glasses. I hadn't thought about it in some time, but I have to confess that the day that I learned I would need reading glasses was a happy one for me!

Now, there are a few reasons for this. One, of course, was that now I wouldn't get blinding headaches from pursuing my favorite sport (that would be reading). Another would be that I rather like the way glasses look. I used to say about myself that, "Katherine only makes passes at boys who wear glasses." See, my "dream man" (in the days before I was married to my real dream man) always sported glasses, a short-back-and-sides haircut, and looked like what I imagined an accountant to look like. So when I had to get glasses, it made me feel like wearing them would make me better-looking!

The third reason is this: for as far back as I can remember, people have been scrutinizing my face and then following the scrutiny with either, "Do you wear glasses?" or, "Do you wear contacts?" Considering that I didn't get reading glasses until I was 21, this was an annoying question. The contacts question I could figure out, because especially in certain lighting, I do seem to have the "tell-tale" contact ring in my eyes. The glasses question I never did figure out: am I naturally squinty? Do I just look like I ought to have them? Is my affinity for libraries so strong that people can just sense the imaginary spectacles-on-a-chain?

So there you have it: my confession that when I wear my glasses, I feel smarter, more attractive, and like I have come into a destiny of sorts. Don't disabuse me of this notion, please!

This is one of the bulletins I'm putting together for the library at school, and my picture of the day.



This is the other bulletin board, designed to complement the display of our paper "quilts" that the children created during December.



And this just seemed so sad, like this flip flop had drug itself as far out of the snow as it could get and then beached itself.

"A kind heart is a fountain of gladness, making everything in its vicinity freshen into smiles."

Washington Irving
(1783-1859)

I can think of only a few things that I would rather hear about myself than this. Iwas so delighted to read it today, buried in the trivia of the student access page of my college web site; it says so clearly what I want to become.

I think of a fountain in a stone courtyard on a hot, dry summer day. Without even feeling the spray from the fountain, without dipping your fingers in, without even seeing the fountain...you feel refreshed. The fountain doesn't change the scene around it; it is superimposed on what is already there, changing your perceptions of the scene.

I'd like to be that way. I'd like for people to feel refreshed and lighter when they interact with me, see me, hear me, think about me. And so I work on this stubborn heart of mine and I ask God for the help I need to make it softer, gentler, kinder...better.

New stuff on the new blog:

• Why were the first computers built in the 1940's and not the 1840's? As strange as it may seem, this is a question I've been pondering a lot lately. I started writing a post about my conclusion, and it spiraled out of control. So I've split it up into three parts, and the first is here.
• Is English really an easy language? I posted about that here, a long time ago. Since then I've read a lot by the linguist John McWhorter. His answer will amuse you.
• A bunch of interesting links on questions like What is the world's hardest language? Did you know there was a Nobel Prize sperm bank? And why don't more sociologists read Connie Willis?

Do drop by!

Posting here continues until the end of the week and then that, ladies and gentlemen, is it for this LiveJournal. If this news surprises you, then you need to read this.

This is one of my favorite pre-1950 cookbooks, full of good "building block" recipes that one can add on to. I used it to make dumplings for our chicken stew on this bitterly cold day.

Aaaaaaaand that's about as good as it gets. Can you tell I took the piccie myself, in the bathroom mirror? I did. I was concentrating on getting it in focus and forgot to smile!

Chris, reading introduction to Learning to Write Russian: "I was so excited because I thought I could read Russian...only then I realized that this is written in French!"

This one is courtesy of Mrs. Z at church. She works in a school library, so she Knows and she gives good recommendations.

Today's new good read for kids is The Mysterious Benedict Society, by Trenton Lee Stewart. It's about a group of gifted kids who have to pass a series of tests to join the society - not that they know what it is yet, as I'm not that far into the book. So far, it's a great read.

I try not to be a cranky person, but grocery shopping seems determined to undermine this goal. For one thing, how hard could it possibly be to label all the divisions in the frozen food aisle instead of only some? It's a pain in the neck to have to cruise the entire length of two frozen food aisles, trying to guess whether frozen fruit is more likely to be near ice cream, desserts, fruit juice, or vegetables--and, of course, it varies from store to store, to keep things lively.

For another, I'm sure I can't be the only shopper who would appreciate it if stores would just leave the bread display alone. My local supermarket seems to have a personal vendetta against my bread-buying habits; barely a week goes by without my preferred brand and type of bread being moved from one place to another. I'm sure that, one of these weeks, they'll run out of places to hide it in the bread area and will move it to the freezer area, where it will be unmarked. Probably nowhere near the frozen fruit.

And as a last feeble protest, let me just make this comment: Kroger, I try to be patient with you when there is no bagger at the end of whichever checkout lane I brave. I know, employees are not always reliable, and there are more of us than there are of them, and so I make do. Today, my heart was overjoyed when I spied not one, but two baggers at my checkout lane. And I have to admit that my groceries were bagged with the speed of summer lightning.

However, I would like to point out that--thanks to an ongoing conversation between the two baggers about the car of one and whether or not it should be using as much gasoline as it is using--my carefully-sorted groceries (frozen foods, then canned/boxed items, then fresh items and bread) were hopelessly chucked about in the bags (bread and cheese, bread and ice cream, ice cream and tomatoes, shaving gel and--be quiet--MORE ice cream, et cetera). In addition, as the cashier handed me my change and receipt, I was left juggling my purse, keys, gloves, and receipt, as well as being hemmed into the lane by my (now-empty) shopping cart.

While the cheery, "Have a nice day, Ma'am!" was a nice gesture, it would have landed better on my ears had someone used a thought or two and moved the empty cart and made any effort at all to swing my new, full-of-groceries cart into a position where I could have wheeled it out the door. Instead, I was left to precariously balance purse, keys, and whatnot atop the cart, trying not to smash the bread, so that I would have two hands available to grab the cart, back it up without hitting the bagger, and navigate it through the doors.

I just feel that shopping would be much rosier if every single trip didn't leave me clutching my list and debating whether I really need food at all this week or if this wouldn't be an ideal time to try the olive-oil-and-flour diet.

When he was born, he was 10 pounds, 1 oz, and he was 21.5 inches long. Now, he's a little taller than his grandma, and his hands have now surpassed hers in size.

• Rubik's Cubes


• Mocking the "Every Kiss Begins With Kay" jewelry advertisements


• Eating leftovers


• Nancy Drew games and their parallels in real life

My sister-in-law and I just after midnight.

Maynard snores louder than Guy.

I tend not to make resolutions, as such, because so many of my desires are ongoing processes rather than stop-and-start projects. However, these are things that I plan to concentrate on this coming year. We'll see how it goes, shall we?

• A picture a day, every day. Project 365.


• Along with that, being more involved with the pictures I take, sorting them when I offload instead of just dumping them on the computer.


• Finish my first year of working at school, and finish strong.


• Keep my 4.0 through the end of the spring semester (Sociology and Intro to Media Centers, I'm looking at you!).


• Practice trumpet and piano at least once a week. More if I can, but at least that.


• My goal is to post once a day. Along with that, I'd like to be more intentional with posting, with at least one post a week that is more than just "work--argh!"


• 
  
• Work a little harder on the house upkeep. The motivating factor here is that this week, I learned that for all the messiness, it really only took four hours of good hard work to set things to rights...so if I can work really hard at it just ONE hour a week, I should be able to keep things a little tamer.


• Less freaking out. Less. Of the freaking out over stuff that isn't worth it.


• Exercise more, eat less (same old, same old).

I'm sure that there are other things, but that will do for a start, don't you think?

I'm terrible at the memes that ask you to reflect on important dates. In fact, I remember very few: my birthday, the birthdays of a few select people who have dates that somehow stick in my mind, the date of my anniversary, and the birthdates of my children (though I have to think about it hard for a few seconds before I am sure).

The thing is that I am usually so busy trying to assimilate the big changes and work out their overall purpose and direction that I forget to really mark them in my head as "the date that changed everything."

So as I come to the end of another year, and I try to reflect on it and figure out what happened and how I changed, I am at a bit of a loss. Still, it is human to want to try to share some of the bigger items, though the faithful among you have lived through them as much as I have.

The big news, of course, was getting a full-time job. It struck with the suddenness of summer lightning and left me a little discombobulated. I had hoped that I would move into the new position with grace and dignity. Instead, I've melted down, doubted myself, and thought that I could never make it. Still, I've made it to the halfway point of my first (hopefully not only) school year as an employee.

Meanwhile, I've been continuing my own schooling, even though at moments it has seemed so very unworthy of the effort. My current schedule calls for graduation sometime in 2013...with a 2-year degree...so it's increasingly hard to hang in there and feel purposeful. Being inducted into the Phi Theta Kappa honor society helped me feel that I was at least accomplishing something.

My Oldest Son is...well, I don't think "blossoming" is the word; becoming a "hulking teenager." He is delightful some of the time and maddening some of the time, and I'm enjoying our first step into the teen years, though the thought of the changes and challenges to come sometimes makes my heart quiver and leap within me.

This year, I have been especially thankful for the friends that God has sent my way and for their compassion, mercy, and forgiveness. I've been thankful, too, for His care of me when I think that I am lost and alone. I have to say, Chris and the kids have been amazing, supportive, and comforting. I hope I can be to them even one tenth of what they have been to me.

Here's to 2010. May the end of it find me happier, wiser, better, and stronger. And here's to 2009. May it shimmer away to be stored peacefully among my memories in the cornerstone of all that is to come.

Happy New Year!

I. did. it. I replaced the seal on the refrigerator door. Oy. What a JOB that turned out to be! I had to take everything out of the door, take all the screws out that hold the inside of the door and the seal in, then put the seal on the plastic thing that is the shelves, THEN replace all the screws to put it back together. OY!

Guy would have helped if I hadn't been so impatient to get it done, so I did it. He held the shelves up while I put the first screw in to put it back together, then he had to get ready for work. So I got it put back together and no screws left over. :)

It would ALMOST have been worth it to just replace the refrigerator, but there is a sense of accomplishment and independence that comes from being able to replace the refrigerator door seal. The durned thing will probably pay us back the $70 it cost in electricity saved in no time.

The mucinex-d is wearing off and my ears are telling me that my sinuses are very clogged, so I see alka-seltzer plus in my future, which will guarantee a good night's sleep.